​I was asked to coach new manager Stephanie (not her real name). After a successful career as a salesperson, she had been promoted to manage one of many global sales teams selling AI enhanced CRM systems to Fortune 100 companies. ​

As a salesperson, Stephanie knew how to build trust plus she had the capacity to understand her customers’ needs and concerns. She also built relationships with the senior executives of each company she sold to. Consequently, her customers held her in great esteem. 
 
I first met with Stephanie one month after she had assumed her position. She had one on ones with each of her sales executives where she reminded them that sales reporting forms and procedures would remain the same. Stephanie shared with me she felt unsure of herself as a manager as several people on her team had more experience and were older than she was. 
 
I suggested there were several things Stephanie could do that would help her feel more confident while also helping her team members feel more engaged with each other and with Stephanie.
 
I asked Stephanie if she would be willing to work with me to create a list of principles and actions that would form the basis of her new team culture. This culture would be the foundation of her management and leadership. She could go forward in developing individual relationships with each of her team members. Stephanie would also have the clarity to create agendas, conduct team meetings, deal with mistakes, inspire excellent performance and most importantly exceed the sales targets she has been given. She was excited at this idea, so we began. Based on research, here is what we came up with:
​

• I believe in open and direct communication. I pledge to help us all create a culture that feels psychologically safe so that being truthful and keeping commitments become a natural way of working. Mistakes will happen. We all must learn from them and be gentle with each other. 
• Customers come first. We are here to understand their needs which may change as the sales cycle proceeds. Each corporation has many customers and it’s our job to get to know and be trusted by as many of these customers as possible. 
• Innovation and creativity is fun and I want it to be part of everyone’s job and I believe it is essential for our team’s success. New ideas will be an agenda item on each of our team meetings. Our ideas will be forwarded to our research and development division. I will ensure we get feedback from them so we can learn and continue to be inspired because I know creativity is contagious.
• I believe in professional growth and development. This is in addition to the sales meetings I know we will attend. In our next one on one meeting, I want to talk about you and your growth and development as a professional. Perhaps you want a job like mine or a job in the home office. Let’s talk about your future and the steps necessary because I want to help you achieve what you want.
• I want us to get to know each other better. When I was asked to take this job, I asked for budget to host an in-person meeting where we would do some work, meet with some corporate staff, and get to know each other as people. Over the next couple months, we’ll work out timing because I know many of you have families and I want everyone to be able to comfortably come together with as little stress as possible.

Stephanie called me a month later. She sounded much more confident. She told me her team responded extremely well to her plans. New sales leads had picked up. Team members had already begun to schedule one-on-one meetings, and they were eager discuss developmental action plans. 
 
Building a culture of performance is a bit like being fitted for a custom-made suit. Every team, company, or organization, just like every person, is unique. They all require different guiding principles, yet there may be some deeper common wisdom. All people at work want to feel safe, respected, listened to, and given opportunities to succeed and grow.  

I asked Rita to show me her calendar for a typical workday. She would often go from one meeting to another, have a working lunch, then fit in emails and phone calls late in her workday or from home after dinner. She reported that stress was a constant companion, and she rarely felt a sense of satisfaction. This caused the stress that Rita continually felt. It also affected Rita’s body and created a fight, flight, or freeze response.
However, knowing this will not help Rita alleviate her stress. I asked Rita if she would be willing to try an experiment with me. She agreed. I then asked her to uncross her legs and put both feet flat on the floor and rest her arms on her thighs and close her eyes. I then guided her through a five-minute mindfulness exercise. Our minds are naturally generating tons of thoughts. It’s also true that we can bring our deeper attention to our breath. I asked her to close her eyes, inhale through her nose and exhale through her mouth making a sound of “ahhh” which reduces stress. After a few doing this five times I asked her to open her eyes and she smiled and she said she felt better.
Our brains are interconnected regions made up of billions of neurons helping us navigate our world and regulating every bodily function. Our brains also have neural networks that allow us to do hundreds of things habitually like knowing what a door is and how to open it, recognizing friends and loved ones, etc. With intention and practice we can develop new neural networks. This is how Rita and I were going to reduce her stress and help her find satisfaction and joy in her work.
I asked Rita to come to the next session with a list of what she finds meaningful about her job and what she appreciates about the people she works with. When you share experiences and support the people you work with, work transforms from a series of tasks to creating a community of common purpose.
It’s also important for Rita to learn to establish healthy boundaries. For instance, learning to say no when necessary and avoid overcommitting. We worked together on her calendar so she created breaks between meetings so she could take a short walk outside and breathe some fresh air. She also promised to take an actual lunch break and work out two or three times a week in the office gym to have a more balanced lifestyle and ensure her long-term well-being. Together we looked at the development and learning opportunities the firm offered. Then I encouraged her at the earliest opportunity to talk to her supervisor about when he could recommend her to be promoted to a director position.
Rita’s supervisor and her family were relieved that after three months, Rita had returned to her old self. She looked healthier, she was more relaxed, she was not working after dinner so the family could watch TV together, and weekends were once again family time.
For all of us in today’s competitive and high-pressured workplaces, it’s important that we take responsibility for our own well-being. This requires intention and practice. It also takes maintaining a positive outlook, sustaining good relationships, setting boundaries, and pursuing growth opportunities. In this way, you can transform your work life into a source of happiness and fulfillment.

In today’s fast paced business climate, it’s possible to ignore some important communication practices like interpersonal openness. This is a willingness to engage others in a respectful and curious manner. It involves being receptive to different perspectives, ideas, and experiences, plus genuinely valuing the contributions of others. Let me tell you a story to illustrate its importance. ​

We’ve all had the experience of a sudden upset. Something unexpectedly goes wrong, and our brains are hard-wired to react. Our minds and bodies can quickly shift from a neutral or positive state to a negative one. We can become frustrated, angry, and anxious. We can experience our hearts racing and feel a knot in our stomach. Our thoughts and perceptions can become distorted making it difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions. Our self-talk turns negative, and we can become defensive and withdrawn. ​

I learned the importance of listening when I studied improv in High School. Aside from the famous phrase called “yes, and” improv taught me the importance of listening, not just to the words, but the meaning of what others were saying. Today, as a coach and consultant, I find listening essential to building trust and being of service.
​