Finding Joy in Your Life Without Stress

Rita (not her real name) is a project manager in a software development company who asked for coaching because she was extremely stressed at work, not sleeping well, and reported that her husband and two teenaged boys were concerned about her health. I was able to meet with Rita in person, and she did indeed look stressed. Her eyes were bloodshot and it was hard for her to sit still.

I asked Rita to show me her calendar for a typical workday. She would often go from one meeting to another, have a working lunch, then fit in emails and phone calls late in her workday or from home after dinner. She reported that stress was a constant companion, and she rarely felt a sense of satisfaction. This caused the stress that Rita continually felt. It also affected Rita’s body and created a fight, flight, or freeze response.
However, knowing this will not help Rita alleviate her stress. I asked Rita if she would be willing to try an experiment with me. She agreed. I then asked her to uncross her legs and put both feet flat on the floor and rest her arms on her thighs and close her eyes. I then guided her through a five-minute mindfulness exercise. Our minds are naturally generating tons of thoughts. It’s also true that we can bring our deeper attention to our breath. I asked her to close her eyes, inhale through her nose and exhale through her mouth making a sound of “ahhh” which reduces stress. After a few doing this five times I asked her to open her eyes and she smiled and she said she felt better.
Our brains are interconnected regions made up of billions of neurons helping us navigate our world and regulating every bodily function. Our brains also have neural networks that allow us to do hundreds of things habitually like knowing what a door is and how to open it, recognizing friends and loved ones, etc. With intention and practice we can develop new neural networks. This is how Rita and I were going to reduce her stress and help her find satisfaction and joy in her work.
I asked Rita to come to the next session with a list of what she finds meaningful about her job and what she appreciates about the people she works with. When you share experiences and support the people you work with, work transforms from a series of tasks to creating a community of common purpose.
It’s also important for Rita to learn to establish healthy boundaries. For instance, learning to say no when necessary and avoid overcommitting. We worked together on her calendar so she created breaks between meetings so she could take a short walk outside and breathe some fresh air. She also promised to take an actual lunch break and work out two or three times a week in the office gym to have a more balanced lifestyle and ensure her long-term well-being. Together we looked at the development and learning opportunities the firm offered. Then I encouraged her at the earliest opportunity to talk to her supervisor about when he could recommend her to be promoted to a director position.
Rita’s supervisor and her family were relieved that after three months, Rita had returned to her old self. She looked healthier, she was more relaxed, she was not working after dinner so the family could watch TV together, and weekends were once again family time.
For all of us in today’s competitive and high-pressured workplaces, it’s important that we take responsibility for our own well-being. This requires intention and practice. It also takes maintaining a positive outlook, sustaining good relationships, setting boundaries, and pursuing growth opportunities. In this way, you can transform your work life into a source of happiness and fulfillment.