How Not to Be Controlled by Your Emotions

Jenna (not her real name) was referred to me by a CEO of a global cyber security firm. She had been with the company from its startup days and now managed a global team in charge of customer service. When we met on Zoom, I could see that Jenna was stressed, yet happy to have her boss’s support to have coaching.

A delayed software update in the company’s key product line was creating customer complaints, and Jenna’s team was under siege. Despite a pending resolution, Jenna was stuck in a negative mindset. She found it hard to get her own work done or concentrate in meetings, she jumped every time her phone buzzed with messages from her team, she was not sleeping well, and her husband and teenaged children were worried about her health.

I told her about Emotional Resilience. Research shows that emotionally resilient people also have upsets in their lives; however, these people have learned skills to manage their emotional reactions rather than being controlled by them.
Jenna seemed eager to learn more about her emotional states. To help her with this, I gave her a list of 184 emotionally intelligent words. If people do not have the correct word to express how they feel, they often choose a substitute. There’s a big difference between the words angry, depressed, confused, helpless, and fearful.
Emotional clarity will impact her decision making and problem solving. She will be able to choose a response internally before reacting externally. The more Jenna accurately identifies her emotions, the more intentional she will be in communicating with others. She will therefore build more trust in her relationships and generate greater psychological safety within her team.
Over the course of three more coaching sessions, Jenna felt a growing sense of control over her internal state and her relationships with her teammates, peers, boss, husband, and kids. The CEO called to thank me and Jenna told me her husband said she was back to her old self.

Please contact me for complimentary, confidential conversations for anything you would like to change in your work or in your life.