The Gift of Giving Feedback

Henry (not his real name), a product manager in a software company, was sent to me by his boss for some coaching. Henry had just received a performance review from his manager who had requested input from Henry’s subordinates which is typical today.

His subordinates described him as inauthentic and untrustworthy. Henry was shocked. His boss suggested he see me to create an action plan as Henry’s team was critical to deliver a much-anticipated software update. I had previously coached other executives in this company.
In essence, his performance review indicated Henry was not good at giving constructive feedback. He was accurate when giving technical direction, but his interpersonal skills were lacking. They described Henry as being uncomfortable dealing with naturally occurring conflict when developing software. They also described Henry’s tone as being harsh when correcting mistakes.

We developed a method that he (or anyone) can use when giving feedback. It’s based on research as well as my experience coaching leaders who have had to give both positive and negative feedback to thousands of people.

1. Praise in public. Whether it be teams or individuals, everyone likes to be acknowledged in front of others. This can even boost a whole brand’s profile and differentiate it from competitors.

2. Praise can be a motivation to teach others as learning in any organization has been known for decades to be a competitive advantage.

3. Criticize in private. Nobody wants to be embarrassed by being criticized in public. Consequently, this enables the person to take the feedback and grow from the experience rather than hide from being shamed.

4. Criticism should always be paired with a pathway towards improvement. In this way the person is left with a motivation to grow.
Our brains do something odd when we are being criticized. We turn the criticism of our actions into a subjective feeling of “that person does not like me.” Consequently, we don’t think “What can I do to improve?” We just become defensive and close ourselves off. It’s important for leaders to be sensitive to this when giving feedback.

Henry left our session with a much-improved attitude and at my recommendation he told his boss he was going to have individual meetings with each member of his team to apologize for any previous tensions he had caused. He let them know he would be giving feedback differently going forward. Henry also asked for them if there was anything he could do to improve their employee satisfaction. Henry’s boss called me back to tell me how pleased he was at the outcome of this one coaching session and that the software release was on schedule.
Please contact me for a complimentary, confidential conversation about maximizing your joy at work and in life.

Tom Drucker MA Clinical Psychology UCLA , PhD Work at Anderson School of Business UCLA, is a founding partner of Consultants in Corporate Innovation, transforming leaders and teams plus improving processes in companies big and small. He is also a managing director at Janas Investment Bank. Learn more about him at www.corporate-innovation.com and janascorp.com