The Impact of Stories We Tell Ourselves

​All of us have default stories. These stories are the assumptions that automatically occur when we experience or anticipate specific events. Default stories become habits and are sometimes created out of anxiety like those that helped our ancient ancestors to survive real threats. An intentionally chosen story is one created using free will and a positive mindset. Over time, intentional stories can become our new default stories which help us to be proactive when facing challenges and gives us greater satisfaction with our lives.

One of my coaching clients had a detrimental default story: Her partners always react negatively and become argumentative when presented with new ideas. Because of this story, she stopped sharing new opportunities with them. With coaching, this CEO created an intentionally chosen story: Her partners can be receptive to new ideas if she is enthusiastic and does not give up after a potential initial negative reaction. This intentionally chosen story did result in her partners examining possibilities and eventually accepting and acting on opportunities presented. Learning and optimism replaced pessimism and resignation.


A west coast client had a long-term, in-office employee make a request to work remotely on the east coast. Accepting this change would require standard processes to be altered and more time would be spent completing routine work, potentially reducing the level of customer service. His default story was: He was completely dependent on each of his employees. Therefore, he would bend over backwards to accommodate their requests. This has previously caused the company and customers to suffer. This default story was replaced with an intentional story: He could do what was right for the company and their customers and provide the employee with a generous severance and reallocate her duties. Our client and his team learned to be more thoughtful and proactive when considering employee requests.


Please contact me for complimentary and confidential conversations to explore how we can shift your default story into an intentionally chosen story designed to help you transform your work and life.


Tom Drucker has an MA in Clinical Psychology and an All But Dissertation from the UCLA Business School. He is a founding partner of Consultants in Corporate Innovation, transforming leaders, processes and company cultures. He is also a Managing Director at Janas Investment Bank.